Every Angle

I came to France to model for a week. Beautiful countryside, art, and the best food you've ever put in your mouth. It was the perfect set up to continue my existential crisis.

Seriously though, I was excited to live in the moment amongst all that beauty, surrounded by a bunch of new people, and see what artwork we could make together.

As much as I love nature, I wouldn’t say the countryside is totally for me. We were around insects that I genuinely thought had gone extinct. It was mosquito city. The cat had brought in a snake and my room had turned into a hornet party on the last night. I’m alright actually.

One day sitting round the pool, one of the students said to me, “sorry if this is cringe but you’re so body confident. Does modelling help with that?’. First of all, what do they say? To be cringe is to be free? I gave her the short answer but now I'm writing short answer long:

For me, no. The confidence helps sure, but I started my modelling career to experience art from every angle, literally. And the money was helpful back then sure. But actually, I remember being conscious of my body growing up. I was aware it wasn’t perfect and was almost ashamed of that. The 90s was not a good era for body confidence. But I guess, over time, the more I began to look at nature as a whole, I started seeing bodies for what they really are. A fucking miracle. 

Shame I don’t feel that way about the dinosaur bugs though.

But the older I get and the more I look at trees, I’m just in awe. These beautiful sculptures designed by nature that help us breathe, grown by a force no one can fully explain or understand. Alive and intelligent. I feel the order amongst this chaos when I look at them and it's the same with the human body. They really are magnificent vehicles, beautiful, wondrous machines.

I think that’s especially true when I look at women’s bodies. Sorry guys, you’re hot too obviously, but there is something special about the female form. I’ve spent years looking at women’s bodies through the eyes of artists. Our softness and strength, and our ability to grow life has confirmed that we are particularly worthy of appreciation and wonder.

I think that’s why, when I was lying on my sofa that week, knowing my life needed to change, it was quite an easy decision to keep modelling. This career comes from love, a lack of competition and hierarchy. Just love of the body, a love of art, and love of this strange exchange that has been happening between artists and models for hundreds of years. It’s an honour to be a part of it, and a choice I intentionally make as I continue a more present and authentic life.

I’m also just so fucking good at it, what can I say.